I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
