She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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