I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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