Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
