I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
