she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize