Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
