You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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