I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
