So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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