Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
