I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
