well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
