omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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