my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
