dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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