can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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