I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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