I just threw up on my dentist
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
