Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
