it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
