I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
