how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
