Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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