He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
