i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
