I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I believe in your delicious
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
