I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
