david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
