just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
