You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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