He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
