Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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