her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
