i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
