Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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