Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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