You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
