PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
