State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
