East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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