I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
