One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
