They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
