Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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