I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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