I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
