last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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