the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
