Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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