When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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