Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
