3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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