this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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