Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
