It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
