You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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