There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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