Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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