I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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