I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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