Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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