At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
