if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
