i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
