she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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