After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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