If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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