He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
