first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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