I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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