We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
