there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
