No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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