At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
