Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
