My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well you can't waste a boner
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
