It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
