he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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