I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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