not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
