i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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