garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
