Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
