Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
